Almost Two Years Later... I Have an Update!

Hidley-Ho Neighborinos!

It has been two years since I have updated this blog! I know you are all waiting with baited breathe to find out how I did, or even IF i was able to pull a half marathon off!

Well, the exciting news is... I am still alive.

Here is an excerpt from my Disney blog giving the briefest of rundowns on how it went.

What's up Dorks?

Last time you heard from me I had just announced that I was signing up for the runDisney Star Wars Half Marathon. I may have said I was going to blog the training process for you and I obviously didn't do any of that, so I will just give you the run down of how training went.

Started out great!

Changed that way I had been eating and put in some miles on the track.

Realized that I like drinking and playing video games WAAAAAY more that eating right and exercising.

Stressed about it for 6 months.

Tried to weasel out of it.

Did it anyway.

I FINISHED!!!

I would show you a picture of me triumphantly crossing the finish line, but it was less triumphant and something more like wanting to cry, pass out and vomit all at the same time...

But I set a personal best and have officially announced my retirement from half marathons! Wooo! Yay Me!

NEVER AGAIN!!

Awww! I miss this! The sitting in front of my computer writing stuff that I am unsure anyone will read... 

Boom! I did it! Barely... Couldn't walk for 3 days, but I got the medal, and that's all that really matters

Other things have changed since then and I have signed up for the Doctor Strange 10k in November of this year, so I am going to try to keep up with this blog and let you know how it goes!

-Jumba

P.S. 10k you say? Didn't you just do a half marathon... two years ago? I hear ya, but it will all be explained, in due time!

P.P.S. Aren't there any other pictures of you during this momentous event? Oh yeah, but they all look like I am in the process of a long slow painful death. MAYBE I will post one soon.

What Do Me and An Olympian Have In Common, Besides Everything? Nothing...

Sup Dorks? (Oh surly! I like that)

What Do Kerri Walsh and I have in common? Well, I have never been an Olympic Gold Medalist, but I DID get a participation certificate for doing the Presidential Fitness Test. She is a woman. I am not. Ummm... I guess that's where the comparisons end... I don't remember my point... Hmmm... Oh yeah! She made KT Tape popular and I am, popular(obviously) and I ALSO tried KT Tape to help support my ankle.

Tried it out for the first time this week. They only had lime green and hot pink. Your right, I should have gotten both and made a fashion statement, but I didn't, mostly for financial reasons

Step One: Shave my lower leg... Not part of the directions, but if anyone can pull off the look it's me!

Pre-shave... HOT!

Post shave... Pulling it off!

Step Two:  Anchor one piece a couple of inches above your ankle and give a 50% stretch under your heel to the other side.

Step Three: Anchor one piece to the inside of your foot and wrap around your heel to the otherside.

Step Four: Same on the other side of your foot.

Step Five: Profit!

Here is what it's supposed to look like.

I gotta say. My ankle felt good the next day. I wouldn't say that I would feel completely comfortable jogging on it with out a brace, but it seemed to help with the day to day stuff. It is really lite and conforms to your body so you almost forget it's there!

Because it is on the foot, they say it should last three to four days. I am on day 3 and most of it is still sticking. I am going to take a shower tonight and see how it lasts through that.

I think I am going to try it for my shin splints next Saturday. Wait! does that mean I will have to shave my leg? Probably not! But I will anyway!

I did my long run on Saturday.

Nope. Nope.

Nope.

I don't know if I can do this.

I tried to stick to my plan of walk a minute/jog a minute. I did that successfully, but I got no further than last week where I walked 3 and ran 1. What the hell is with that?

The worst part of it. My shins were KILLING me! I felt okay otherwise... No, I felt great otherwise. My ankle felt like a million bucks! I had the tape and a pull on brace. The break through I thought I made was all for not! It MUST  have been the crack and vodka that made made me feel so good last week.

Song of the Workout: Big D and The Kids Table... Little Bitch In this poor quality video you can see Brian Klemm of Suburban Legends! He is the guy in the plaid shirt who sits down first. Good friend... and by "friend", I mean, if he saw me in a crowd me may glance at me a little longer knowing that he has seen me somewhere before. Maybe here.

Next plan to stop the pain. More crack and vodka. Just kidding, Mom! New shoes, thinking of getting new shoes. Going with New Balance because... Well, I can afford them. I am torn between form and function.

There are the shoes that I really like that have the stability I am in need of...

And the not as cool looking shoes that have MORE of the stability I require.

Maybe I will get a pair to train and then the fancy ones for the run... Hmmm. Plan forming. 

My goal for this week...A consistent and increased amount of training days.. Also, less carbs and sugar!

Let's see what this week brings!

-Jumba

P.S. I did a little over two miles... that means I am a sixth of the way there! Score!

P.P.S.  Is there anyone who kinda looks like me, but is willing to dress up AS me and run this freaking thing for me?

P.P.P.S. Weighed myself Saturday. Better, but not better enough

Did Wrong Right...

Hey fitness geeks! I am trying a new opening... So far not a fan of this one.

Pretzel bread will be the death of me.

The low carb part of my food plan was smacked to the floor all for a free sandwich... err- sandwiches...

I believe it was The Devil Makes Three that said it best... "If you're going to do wrong, buddy do wrong right..." So I fell off the wagon in a loud, grotesque, brilliantly, beautiful manner. Two energy drinks(sugar free, obviously), two diet colas... One Pepsi and one Coke if you must know, two half sandwiches(so if I am correct, 14 full sandwiches. Is that right? I have never been good at food math), 3 cookies and a cupcake from Goodie Girls... Woooooo! Fuck yeah! I did wrong SO right!

It's called a Pinkamena. Tastes like Strawberry and heaven

Do I feel guilty? No(kinda, but it was totally worth it). Let's just chalk this one up to celebrating the United States Men's Soccer team making it to the round of 16. Sound good? Or NBA Draft Day? Or just a Case of the Thursdays?

I will do better tomorrow. Prossibly...

My ankle has been getting better. I am still sore, but I did more weight bearing today and I am walking without a limp. I gotta be honest though, the limp looked cool... the grimace on my face however... I am trying to find a good ankle support. I think I found one that I want to try but I need to save up some money. Until then I am going to try a whole bunch of other shit to see if it works. First up, KT Tape, made famous by Kerri Walsh's shoulder in the Olympics.

Her shoulder is exactly like my ankle except TOTALLY different

Don't know how it's going to go... so that's why I am going to document it!

My plan is to be back to the track on Saturday. Depending how everything feels I want to stick to my run one, walk one and see where that gets me... I would be pumped if it got me 13.1 miles, but I doubt it! LOL.

Stay sober(working on a closing line too... Definitely don't like this one!)

-Jumba

P.S. Anyone having any luck with a a Gatorade based cocktail? I am all about health you know!

Week Two: Reality Bites

Howdy Dorks!

It's somewhere in week two. What's that old saying? "Time flies when you're... forcing  your body to do things it doesn't want to." I dunno, it's something along those line.

Saturday I hit the track with a determined face(that's just so when I see other people they think I am working harder than I actually am). I added a little more running to the mix this time... went further than I had the previous week and I felt better doing it. Didn't feel great... but better.

Felt good about how the week was starting out... Didn't even celebrate with a cheeseburger!

No rest for the weary on Sunday. Met up with the Original Disney Dorks, Pesk and Rossco... and Colin at Disneyland and, according to my new Fitbit, had my first 10,000+ step day! In your face jerks and bus riders! Granted 9,000 of those steps were just stepping around strollers and honey badger tourists. Almost pushed me into turning into Disney Hulk. Nobody wants to see that.

Took Monday off because I am lazy- errr... I mean AWESOME!

Tuesday I was excited. I got home from work, got changed, almost weighed myself but then felt better of it because I was feeling good about myself and I didn't want to ruin that... Shoes tied, grabbed my headphones and headed out.

Spoke with FSL and she was on her way home from work and I thought... I am just going to keep walking until she drives up the street and can pick me up. Score! Brilliant, I know. My goal was two miles away and a drop in elevation of about 700 feet. The first part of the downward adventure was brutal. My knees were killing me. Decided to try the circuit training run one minute/walk one minute. Started off slow then adjusted my gait to account for slope... FOUND A GROOVE! I was able to run one/ walk one with out the shin pain! After watching different videos about endurance running and jogging forms that gave you the best balance of stamina and looking amazing(got that one down naturally), I decided to really concentrate on how my foot hit the ground. What ever I was doing, it was working! I was feeling great! Thinking about my breathing, made some improvements there as well... although... it's really fucking hard to breath properly AND lip sync to my music... BTW, Song of the Workout was The Briggs - Panic, the chorus helped push me through. So everything was going along splendidly then I put my foot down wrong. Ankle rolled and sublexed. I fell, cursing, into someone's yard. When I hit the ground my ankle popped back into place. I did a "graceful" but obscenity filled commando roll and hopped back up and kept moving. The jogging part was out of the question, but I was super angry and still determined to make it the two miles so I pushed through the pain.

You can actually see where I fell, swearing, into someone's yard!

That probably wasn't the smartest idea, but... well, it's too freaking late now!

Finally saw FSL driving up the street and hobbled my ass across the street fell into her car.

This isn't the first time this has happened... Hell, it isn't the 30th time it's happened. I have sprained my ankle a couple of times pretty severely and never quite gave it enough time to heal fully(what can I say? This wild horse can't be tamed! LOL). So, now... sometimes, mostly walking on flat ground, my ankle rolls in and I step down, pop, searing white intense pain... I point my toe and it grinds back into place.

I'm not a Doctor... well... not officially... but that doesn't look quite normal

 I guess I should wear some sort of brace huh?

The worst part of this? I was feeling so good! I want to get back out there and see if it was just the crack and vodka talking or have a had a breakthrough with my form!

Will I give it the proper time to heal? Probably not, but I am sure as shit going to have a brace on... maybe two...

Let's see what tomorrow brings!

Later, Dorks!

-Jumba

P.S. Every time I mentally decide that this is doable, I go for a jog, then I physically decide that I should just sit at home and eat bacon dipped in mayonnaise...

P.P.S. I could go for some french fries

Day... Something. No Seriously, I Can't Be Bothered to Do The Math

What up Fitness Dorks?

Before I get into today's post. a MAJOR shot out to someone who has GREAT taste in blogs to read, Disney fan and all around cool person, Brianne for actually sending me her unused Fitbit! Now my training is really going to start! Before, I was just bluffing!

It has been a week or so since I started this crazy marathon. Pun totally intended.  Had a few ups... I have been eating... ahhhh... better? I wouldn't say great, but definitely better than I was before. Still fast food free... Eating a lot more salad... Had a a few downs too... Skipped a few days of walking, mind stabbed a "few" people, ran a red light, and called someone a "panini fart."  I don't even know what that means! Apparently I was craving a smushed grilled sandwich at the same time I wanted to call someone a not-really-offensive name.

I decided to do a little glossary of terms just so we are all on the same page.

Disney: I write a blog about it. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK IT OUT!
FSL: Future Supreme Leader a.k.a. The Worlds Greatest Detective(not Batman) a.k.a. My wife
Half Marathon: Too far for a human to travel without the aide of a motor
I feel great: I am dying
Jog: Walk
Run: Walk
Star Wars: Films IV, V VI only! Well, we'll see... Don't fuck it up Disney!
This is fun: Send help
Walk: Walk

Week one-ish is at an end. I am alive. Can't ask for much more than that.

I feel great! Bring on Week Two!

-Jumba

P.S. This is fun

P.P.S. Ahhh Shit! Never mind my fast food streak... I ate three chicken McNuggets! Curses!

Day Whatever: What Are You Looking At?

Hey.

The no caffeine thing? Not into it.

Head hurts and I am super grouchy.

On the bright side, I haven't killed anyone yet... Well, in my mind, yes, but in real life, I am murder free! So... SCORE for that!

Maybe I should reconsider, caffeine can't be all that bad, right?

Walked two miles yesterday. It was hard. Lack of carbs and cut caloric intake is making me feel off.

I have hit the wall!! That's it! I am outta here!

-Jumba 
 
UPDATE!!
I had a Red Bull Total Zero. I am weak!

But I feel human again!

I am back up in this bitch! Let's go for a run!

-Jumba(again)

P.S. I will try to jazz up some of the future posts with pictures... not of anything pertinent, but pictures nonetheless.

P.P.S. Stairs... Am I right?

Day Three: This is Going to Suck

Day 3... or is it 4? I don't know, it feels like day 978.

Saturday was my first long run(walk in my case). I dragged my body down to the local high school with all the positive feelings in the world! I did the numbers. This is totally doable!

Started my gps tracker, pressed  play on my music and started my warm up lap.

Warm up done. Let's kick this bitch up a notch!

Jog.

Nope, nope, NOPE!

I did 2 miles in 30 minutes.I think I ran almost a half mile. I am not proud of that. I thought it would be easier. That means my average mile is... 15 minutes! That is within the minimum pace for the half marathon! Woooo! Wooo! Wo-  That would be perfect if 13.1 miles was actually only 2!

Ugh! This is going to suck.

To Do List:
1. Learn to breathe. Thought I knew how to do this, I mean, I do it all day every day. I was wrong
2. Learn to run. My form sucks... makes my shins hurt.
3. Get better.
4. Swear more.


Here is the kicker. I went from feeling like I was going to die, to feeling like I could lift up a car. Almost made the run worth it! Man! They totally need to come up with a drug that gives you the feeling you have just after a workout!

I celebrated with a cheeseburger. So worth it!

Working on fine tuning my diet, going low carb, low sugar... On day four with no fast food and day three with no soda. Yes. My head does hurt. Thanks for asking.

Two days later, I am not as sore as I thought I would be. My plan is to wake up early tomorrow and do a walk around the neighborhood... Well, at least that is the "plan." I may just sleep a little longer and visualize myself walking. That should work, right?

Until next time!

-Jumba

P.S. Anyone watch Ping Pong Summer?

P.P.S. I hope I get motivated soon.